When you think relationships should be a certain way, and yours isn’t, frustration sets in. And “frustration is the number one thing that eats away at a relationships.
Here are 8 myths you need to do away with to prevent your relationship from going down a dark tunnel. 1. Myth: A good relationship means that you don’t have to work at it.
Fact: “The strongest most enduring relationships take lots of hard work. Another bad sign is if you’re trying hard to make improvements and changes, but you don’t see the same level of effort on your partner’s part. On the flip side, if both of you are trying and you can see positive changes being made at least some of the time, then that’s a good sign.
2. Myth: If partners really love each other, they know each other’s needs and feelings.
Fact: “It’s a setup to expect your partner to be able to read your mind,” because when you anticipate that your partner will know your wants, that’s essentially what you’re doing. We develop this expectation as kids, but “as adults, we’re always responsible for communicating our feelings and needs. And once you’ve communicated your needs and feelings, “a better measure of the quality of your relationship” is whether your partner actually listens to your words.
3. Myth: If you’re truly in love, passion will never fade.
Fact: Thanks to movies and romantic novels, we assume that if we genuinely love someone, “the passion, urging and loving” never go away. And if they do disappear, then “it must not be the right relationship” or “our relationship [must be] in trouble,” However, passion naturally diminishes in all relationships. As their responsibilities grow and roles expand, couples have less and less time and energy for each other. But with a little planning and playfulness, you can boost passion, couples can do new things together to perk things up, ask yourselves: “How do we tame our lives sufficiently that we can make time for each other and have energy left for each other?”
4. Myth: Having a child will strengthen your relationship or marriage.
Fact: Studies have shown that in some relationships happiness actually decreases with every child. This doesn’t mean that you start loving each other less or that you won’t bond at all over your child, but the mounting challenges can complicate relationships. Having realistic expectations helps couples prepare themselves for their new roles. When you think that a child will improve your relationship, it only adds to the complications.
5. Myth: Jealousy is a sign of true love and caring.
Fact: Jealousy is more about how secure and confident you are with yourself and your relationship (or the lack thereof), she said. Take the following example: If you have a jealous partner, you might try to show them how much you care so they don’t get jealous. But you soon realize that any amount of caring isn’t a cure for their jealous reactions.
While you can be supportive, your partner must work on their insecurity issues on their own. “No matter what you do, you can’t make your partner feel more secure” or “change their self-confidence.”
6. Myth: Fights ruin relationships.
Fact: In actuality, what ruins relationships is not resolving your fights, Blum said. “Fights can be really healthy, and an important form of communication and clearing the air.”
Also, the type of fight a couple has plays a role. Not surprisingly, nasty, scornful or condescending fights that leave couples resolution-less and not talking for days damage the relationship. Productive conflicts that help the relationship end with “some mutual decision about how to manage this disagreement.
7. Myth: In order for the relationship to be successful, the other partner must change.
Fact: Many times we’re very good at the blame game and not so good at pondering how we can become better partners. Instead, we demand that our partners make such and such changes. Unless, there are extreme circumstances like abuse or chronic infidelity, it takes two to make changes.
8. Myth: Couples therapy means your relationship is really in trouble.
Fact: By the time couples seek therapy, this may be true, but changing this mindset is key. Most couples seek therapy “when they’ve been suffering for a really long time. So therefore, people should view therapy as preventive, meaning you should go for therapy at the early stages of light issues not when you’ve been stuck in conflicts for over 10 years.
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