5 Ways To Save Your Marriage

If your marriage is falling apart, these five steps provide you with a clear path out of the darkness and a new beginning for your relationship journey.

With these five steps, couples have been able to reawaken love and enjoy each other again. Even if your situation seems hopeless, don’t give up.

1) Commit: While it may appear obvious, the couples that do not make it are usually those not committed to making their marriage work. When you make the decision to commit, you have decided to put in the hard work that is needed to save your marriage. When you waver and think about what it would be like if you married someone else or how you wish your life would be different, you are usually not able to generate enough momentum to push forward and repair the relationship.

2) Seal your exits: Couples in crisis are often focused everywhere but their marriage. It’s so painful, who can blame them? Even if we are physically married, many of us have “checked out.”An essential step to bringing the energy back into the relationship is to seal your exits. This means thinking about the various activities where we focus our inner resources and whether they have become substitutes for the look of excitement and fulfillment in marriage. Besides the obvious (often-fatal) exits of infidelity and substance abuse, here are a few common exits that we may find ourselves doing: Work, exercise, over eating, facebook, taking care of the kids

3) Detox your marriage: Eliminate all name-calling, finger-pointing, blaming, and shaming. A toxic relationship cannot thrive. Angry outbursts chip away at the love and trust that a couple has for each other. Instead, take ownership for your feelings and frustration by focusing on why your spouse’s actions disturb you. Replace the “you” of “you always do this” with “I” – “how I felt when…”

Finally, learn to ask for what you want. It’s so easy to complain that we often forget what it is we are missing. Rather than focusing on how your spouse ignores you, share how badly you crave his love and attention. Not only does detoxing your marriage help remove the poison from your relationship, it will make your spouse much more amenable to meeting your needs.

4) Enter the world of the other: One of the painful realizations that married people discover is that “my spouse is not me.” In order to make room for the other, it is critical to learn how to acknowledge that your spouse may see the world very differently than you. Get into the habit of asking, “Is now a good time?”

5) Love infusions: Working on any relationship is challenging, especially so when you are trying to rescue one in crisis. That’s why it is crucial to infuse your relationship with loving behaviors that promote positive energy. These love infusions help lighten things and add fun. Show appreciation, fix date nights and exude caring behaviors.

When we act lovingly we not only stimulate our own love for our spouse; we awaken their love for us as well. And with these concrete behavioral changes occurring, we show that the relationship can indeed be different.

SlausonBoi MottoCrowd Incorporated

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10 Ways Your Personality Affects Your Weight

Whether you’re the life of the party, a bookworm, or most active during the night, your personality plays a surprisingly large role in your ability to slim down. Follow this guide to discover your personality type and use your own characteristics to lose weight and keep it off for good.

If you’re impulsive: In a famous 1972 study, scientists offered young children a choice between a single marshmallow immediately or, if they could wait 15 minutes, two marshmallows. Those who waited went onto experience more success and higher SAT scores later on in life. The ability to delay gratification also relates to weight loss, researchers say.

People tend to be either a “one-marshmallow person” or a “two-marshmallow person.” If you’re struggling with weight loss, you are more likely a one-marshmallow person. Eliminating little temptations will help: stop stocking your pantry with junk food, and avoid the break room at work when you know there will be leftover treats.

If you’re reliable: Always on time? Follow rules by the book? It means you’re conscientious, a trait that makes it easier to stick with an eating or fitness plan. However, whether you’re conscientious or not, there’s a paradox in that creating a plan forces you to think about food all the time, which can work against you. The solution: create routines not specifically about dropping pounds that will still lead to weight loss, he suggests. For example, instead of driving your kids the mile to school, start walking with them.

If you’re prone to mood swings: The way you ride life’s rollercoaster determines your emotional stability. If you’re emotionally excitable, things are either very good or the worst ever. Some people are emotional eaters, so the more you’re on the emotional rollercoaster the more likely you are to reach for food. The more excited you are in general, the more likely you are to take action, and eating is an action, researchers say. Learn to recognize your own ups and downs and try to take action in healthier ways, like calling a friend or sweating your stress away with a workout.

If you’re quiet: People who prefer curling up with a book over a night out at the bar may have a leg up on weight loss. Introverts may have a more thoughtful, less impulsive style that enables them to consider their choices more rationally, specialists say. Introverts are more likely to possess qualities that enable them to commit to a healthy diet and regular exercise routine, both of which require restraint, difficult for more impulsive people, she says. Extroverts should plan ahead for situations that test willpower. If you know you’re headed to a party, for instance, eat a healthy snack beforehand so you’ll be less likely to scarf down junk.

If you’re the life of the party: Outgoing people tend to allow stress to accumulate to the point that’s known as “amygdala hijack,” according to researchers. This is where we utilize the more basic, primitive part of our brain versus our more human pre-frontal cortex. The latter allows us to consider our longer-term goals and make healthier choices, says Hanna. This pleasure based eating has been shown to trigger an addictive response that often leads to overeating high-calorie, high-fat comfort foods. If you enjoy being the center of attention, try putting yourself in social situations that don’t involve food.

If you’re often hard on yourself: People who lack self-compassion have a huge negative reaction every time they make a mistake. Those high in self-compassion simply move on and vow to not make the same mistake again. If you’re hard on yourself, you’re more likely to continue overeating after you’re slipped up, since realizing you’ve overeaten leads to feelings of hopelessness. If you’re not self-compassionate by nature, you need to work on forgiving yourself!

If you’re a night owl: Staying up until the wee hours may wreak havoc with your waistline. Researchers found that people who were kept up until 4 a.m. ate 550 additional calories during their late night hours. What’s more, a higher percentage of the late-night calories came from high-fat foods than they did during daytime hours.

If you’re an early bird: In a recent study, participants who woke up early were less likely to be overweight than night owls-even though both groups slept the same number of hours. Although this study involved young children, the results are likely applicable to adults as well. If you love to sleep in, you may not be getting enough sleep, in which case you need to go to bed earlier to increase your total sleep time. Doctors recommend adults strive for seven to nine hours of sleep per night.

If you’re self-centered: Being a little stuck on yourself may not be such a bad thing when trying to lose weight. Self-centered people tend to consider their own interests, which could lead them to better conserve their energy and have more willpower to make healthy choices. People-pleasers, on the other hand, may get overly stressed about helping everyone else and find themselves depleted at the end of the day. This often triggers poor food choices. Instead, practice being more “selfish” in asking for what you want and sticking to it without feeling guilty. Meet friends after your workout instead of canceling your exercise plans, or ask them to join you.

If you’re easygoing: People who go with the flow tend to be leaner than those who are more neurotic, according to a study published in the Journal of Personality and Social Psychology. In some cases, however, this may backfire. Highly agreeable people may stress over failure because they’re afraid of letting other people down. This stress can actually get in the way of successful weight loss, because stress makes it harder to resist temptation.

8 Myths That Kill Relationships

When you think relationships should be a certain way, and yours isn’t, frustration sets in. And “frustration is the number one thing that eats away at a relationships.
Here are 8 myths you need to do away with to prevent your relationship from going down a dark tunnel. 1. Myth: A good relationship means that you don’t have to work at it.

Fact: “The strongest most enduring relationships take lots of hard work. Another bad sign is if you’re trying hard to make improvements and changes, but you don’t see the same level of effort on your partner’s part. On the flip side, if both of you are trying and you can see positive changes being made at least some of the time, then that’s a good sign.

2. Myth: If partners really love each other, they know each other’s needs and feelings.

Fact: “It’s a setup to expect your partner to be able to read your mind,” because when you anticipate that your partner will know your wants, that’s essentially what you’re doing. We develop this expectation as kids, but “as adults, we’re always responsible for communicating our feelings and needs. And once you’ve communicated your needs and feelings, “a better measure of the quality of your relationship” is whether your partner actually listens to your words.

3. Myth: If you’re truly in love, passion will never fade.

Fact: Thanks to movies and romantic novels, we assume that if we genuinely love someone, “the passion, urging and loving” never go away. And if they do disappear, then “it must not be the right relationship” or “our relationship [must be] in trouble,” However, passion naturally diminishes in all relationships. As their responsibilities grow and roles expand, couples have less and less time and energy for each other. But with a little planning and playfulness, you can boost passion, couples can do new things together to perk things up, ask yourselves: “How do we tame our lives sufficiently that we can make time for each other and have energy left for each other?”

4. Myth: Having a child will strengthen your relationship or marriage.

Fact: Studies have shown that in some relationships happiness actually decreases with every child. This doesn’t mean that you start loving each other less or that you won’t bond at all over your child, but the mounting challenges can complicate relationships. Having realistic expectations helps couples prepare themselves for their new roles. When you think that a child will improve your relationship, it only adds to the complications.

5. Myth: Jealousy is a sign of true love and caring.

Fact: Jealousy is more about how secure and confident you are with yourself and your relationship (or the lack thereof), she said. Take the following example: If you have a jealous partner, you might try to show them how much you care so they don’t get jealous. But you soon realize that any amount of caring isn’t a cure for their jealous reactions.

While you can be supportive, your partner must work on their insecurity issues on their own. “No matter what you do, you can’t make your partner feel more secure” or “change their self-confidence.”

6. Myth: Fights ruin relationships.

Fact: In actuality, what ruins relationships is not resolving your fights, Blum said. “Fights can be really healthy, and an important form of communication and clearing the air.”

Also, the type of fight a couple has plays a role. Not surprisingly, nasty, scornful or condescending fights that leave couples resolution-less and not talking for days damage the relationship. Productive conflicts that help the relationship end with “some mutual decision about how to manage this disagreement.

7. Myth: In order for the relationship to be successful, the other partner must change.

Fact: Many times we’re very good at the blame game and not so good at pondering how we can become better partners. Instead, we demand that our partners make such and such changes. Unless, there are extreme circumstances like abuse or chronic infidelity, it takes two to make changes.

8. Myth: Couples therapy means your relationship is really in trouble.
Fact: By the time couples seek therapy, this may be true, but changing this mindset is key. Most couples seek therapy “when they’ve been suffering for a really long time. So therefore, people should view therapy as preventive, meaning you should go for therapy at the early stages of light issues not when you’ve been stuck in conflicts for over 10 years.

SlausonBoi MottoCrowd Incorporated