Do you check your partner’s Facebook page at least once a day? You might be a stalker. When your partner says or does things that trigger your jealousy, it feels like you can’t help but stalk them. We want you to know that you can start to make conscious decisions that not only soothe your jealous urges, but improve your relationship.
1. Talk with yourself first. As you feel that impulse to stalk, notice what you’re doing and stop. Don’t take any action until you have a talk with yourself first. Your self-talk might go something like this, “Hey, I really really want to click on over to Facebook and check my boyfriend’s page. His class reunion was last weekend, and I’m worried that he’s re-connected with his old girlfriend.”
Take a deep breath and continue by saying to yourself, “Okay, is this going to make my jealousy go away? I don’t think so. Will it help me feel close to my boyfriend? No. So, instead I’m going to go for a run, and then I’ll text my boyfriend and invite him to meet me for a late dinner together.”
You can literally talk yourself out of being driven by jealousy. Slow down and remind yourself to consider the consequences of stalking before deciding whether or not to go ahead and do what you were compelled to do.
2. Talk with your partner. Are there times when you’ve got good reason to check up on what your partner says? Definitely! It’s never wise to ignore warning signs that indicate your partner might be lying to you or hiding something. Stick with observable facts, and, in some cases, this might involve doing the very same things that constitute stalking.
The most important thing is for you to know when your jealousy is taking over your decision-making and when clear-seeing is leading the way. For many people, jealous impulses are fear-driven and not linked to facts. Clear-seeing comes with a sense of certainty, even if you don’t like what you’re being pulled to say or do.
When you have reliable proof that your partner is flirting, lying, breaking promises or disrespecting you, communicate with him/her about it. Have a talk where you set boundaries and create agreements to address whatever is going on. If you find out that your partner is having an affair, decide whether or not you’ll stay in the relationship. Second chances can lead to success, but only if both of you are willing to work together to rebuild trust.